


I Cast Glock

by iZombi



Series: Gloryhammer One shots and Headcannons [6]
Category: Gloryhammer (Band)
Genre: Angus and Ralathor see nothing wrong with guns, Angus thinks it’s cool as hell, Hootsman with a gun (any gun at that), I was laughing so hard when I saw the first prompt, Oh and also don’t worry, Other, and the implication of violence (?), is enough to make me lose my shit, like you have NO IDEA how funny this is to me, rated teen and up for the use of a gun, while Ralathor thinks it’s a bit barbaric and fitting of Hoots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28604430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iZombi/pseuds/iZombi
Summary: You have been blessed with immortality and are the greatest warrior, but 1000 years ago, a witch cursed you for killing her daughter, making you unable to wield a blade again. Fortunately, guns were invented, and now you’re back in business.
Series: Gloryhammer One shots and Headcannons [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2072421
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	I Cast Glock

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JazzApples](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JazzApples/gifts).



> From @Writing-Prompt-s on Tumblr! This story is a combination of two writing prompts (https://writing-prompt-s.tumblr.com/post/639251448025235456/you-have-been-blessed-with-immortality-and-are-the) 
> 
> This story is essentially “Gloryhammer AU where everything is exactly the same but The Hootsman has a gun”. With some added fun to spice things up!
> 
> Oh, and I wanted to give a HUGE shout out to Tumblr user @Jazzapples3 who made an excellent chef’s kiss Gloryhammer meme (https://uwujustsoftthings.tumblr.com/post/639336308261748736) that helped add an even bigger portion of inspiration for this already hilarious writing prompt! Go check them out! :D

“So that’s why you can’t wield your once famed battle ax?” Asked Angus to his dear friend as he drank a cup of juice.

“I’m afraid so…” he confirmed, taking a swig of his ale.

Ralathor hummed, deep in thought as he worked on a crossword puzzle “Y’know.. you could still wield something akin to Angus’ hammer, right?” he spoke as he worked.

The Hootsman made an annoyed grunt “Yeah but guns are cooler” he spoke, shrugging his shoulder.

“I suppose…” Ralathor commented.

Angus took a sip of his juice “So…” he took another “What are you going to do about the curse…?” he asked, very intrigued with his friend’s story

Hoots stroked his beard in thought for a moment “I think I’ll go find and kill that bitch-“

“I doubt you’ll even be able to find her…” Ralathor cut him off

“How so, my friend?”

“Many wizards are known for going into hiding… and considering that it’s been a thousand years since that curse was placed on you, the fact that it remains and that you physically cannot touch any weapon that has a blade on it, in fact, enough for me to determine that they’re still alive but in hiding” He explained.

The Hootsman rolled his eyes “How hard can it be to find one?” he spoke aloud

“Very” Ralathor added

Hootsman raised an eyebrow “You sound like you have experience in that…”

Ralathor snapped his head up from his crossword puzzle only to glare at him, out of annoyance, he hexed the Hootsman’s pants to be bright pink, to which the other didn’t even bat an eye to.

Angus sank further into his seat as he drank his fruit juice drink.

Hoots chuckled “Something wrong?”

Angus nodded and swallowed his drink before speaking “I’m bored…”

“Well, you won’t be soon enough…” Ralathor commented

“Huh, wha- why?” Angus asked, now pulling himself up to sit correctly.

“Today you have to give a speech”

“For what?”

“Really? You don’t remember?”

Angus shook his head, Ralathor sighed “Do you remember that one princess that you rescued from one of Zargothrax’s minions?”

Angus thought for a moment, “Which one?”

“The blonde one, she wore a lilac dress and had roses braided in her hair…” he added

The prince nodded “Yes!” he stopped “Wait, what about her? Isn’t she ok?” he asked

“She’s fine Angus, but her father insisted on contacting me to tell you to come by today and give a speech, they want to hold a feast for us, for saving his only daughter…” he finished

The prince groaned, exhausted and annoyed “No!” he whined

Hoots lightly poked the young prince’s cheeks “It's alright, kid, just do it and you’ll get it over with…”

It was Angus’ turn to roll his eyes “Easy for you to say, you’ve never been a prince!” he argued, to which Hoots simply chuckled

Angus threw his head back for a moment “Ugh…fine, alright… I’ll do it, I have no choice, do I?”

Ralathor shook his head, still working on his crossword puzzle.

“So, when is this speech…?” he asked

Ralathor looked over to a digital clock displayed on a monitor within the current room, “In about four hours…” he added

Angus’ mouth flew open, eyes wide “F- FOUR HOURS?!” He got up from his seat and ran to the door, exiting the room.

The Hootsman took a drink from his ale “Looks like he’ll be busy”

“For his sake? I hope he will be…” Ralathor simply stated

\- - -

Ralathor and The Hootsman stood in the far corner of the large crowd as they stood silently watching and listening to their friend giving a speech, what surprised Ralathor the most was how well composed it was, despite being given such short notice to write it.

It was a movement to his right that caught the wizard’s attention, he turned his head just in time to catch Hoots walking away, deciding that he himself wanted to be away from such a large crowd, he silently followed his friend.

_“Hoots?”_ whispered Ralathor, trying not to catch anyone else’s attention

He saw said man waived him over, to which he followed, “Why’d you walk off?” he asked the barbarian.

He shrugged “Same reason you just did…” which caused Ralathor to raise an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” he asked, voice low

“I saw someone walking in the halls…and-“ he stopped for a moment, getting close to the wizard’s ear _“I think I saw Zargothrax…”_ he whispered.

Ralathor’s eyes widened and he looked around quickly before whispering back to his friend, _“We can’t take any chances, Angus is giving a speech and if he truly is here or_ _even if it’s one of his minions, we should investigate… to make sure…”_ they both nodded and started to split off.

Before The Hootsman quickly approached Ralathor one last time, and discretely he handed the wizard a small pistol, a G42 Glock. He gave his friend a wink and a nudge, so as to tell him _‘Just in case…’_.

Ralathor nodded and put the gun in his pants pocket, he went off, splitting from Hoots in search of whomever the intruder could be.

When suddenly, the door behind him closed and locked itself.

Ralathor cursed softly under his breath as he went to grab the doorknob and found it to be irrationally hot, too hot to grasp lest you want to burn off your hand.

_‘That’s…odd, it wasn’t like tha-‘_ before Ralathor could finish his thought he quickly spun around.

“Hellooo~!” Zargothrax teased, a devilish grin danced around his face.

“ _You_ ” hissed Ralathor, venom in his words “What do _you_ want?” he questioned

“For Angus Mcfife XIII to die, what else?” he stated, his hands glowing a brilliant red, small lightning sparks forming at the fingertips.

Ralathor swallowed hard.

Damn the divines!

How can he-, then it struck him, the gun!

Ralathor moved his hand to his pants pocket, as he grasped the gun, he made his hand glow a brilliant bright blue “I cast Glock” he spoke.

I-

What did he just say?

“What?” was all that Zargothrax could manage.

The evil wizard watched as Ralathor pulled out the gun from his pocket, hands and eyes glowing bright blue, “You heard me” a slight growl escaping his lips, an attempt at looking threatening.

Zargothrax stood in genuine shock, ‘ _what the hell was a Glock?’_ he internally questioned _‘And just how strong is that damn thing?’_

Suddenly from behind came large thudding footsteps as The Hootsman approached the two, a shotgun raised in front of him, ready to blow the wizard's head clean off.

Zargothrax quickly looked over to Ralathor one last time, clearly stupefied by the scenario.

“I _won’t_ hesitate, _bitch!_ ” he exclaimed, aim trained on the evil wizard’s heart.

Before the last few footsteps could get closer, Zargothrax decided to not take his chances and teleported far away from the two and the celebration.

“Damn it!” called out The Hootsman

Ralathor put down the gun, and calmed himself, the glow fading, “I think he’s left… probably felt that he was outmatched.” Ralathor analyzed, he turned around and examined the door's knob and lightly touched it, the searing heat that was once there had _magically_ disappeared.

Hoots hummed in acknowledgment “Hmm…yes…” he turned to his friend, shotgun lowered “Did you fire it?” he asked, gesturing to the gun.

Ralathor looked at the weapon in his hands, “No…” he admitted

Hoots sighed “Oh thank the divines you didn’t…”

Ralathor raised an eyebrow “Why not?”

“The chamber is loaded with blanks, fake rounds, not live ones…” he explained “Had you been in any real danger, it would’ve been useless to you…”.

“Oh…” was all the wizard said, as he opened the gun’s chamber, just how Hoots had shown him earlier in the day, and out he pulled a blank bullet, it was gold in coloration like a live round, with the only difference is the bright green coloration on the tip, indicating that it was false.

“Well, at least the thought counts, I suppose…” he said

Hoots chuckled “I’m glad you think so…” he stopped “Hey, let’s go back, the kid is probably worried sick about us not being there” he added and the wizard nodded.

They made their way back to where the ceremony was taking place, as they walked in they both noticed how a table had been erected in the middle of the room, food being set down by various maids.

“Where were you two?” Angus called out to his friends

Ralathor internally panicked for an answer, when the Hootsman replied back with a chuckle “Sorry, we were having a hard time finding the bathroom” he explained.

Ralathor, whose face grew red with embarrassment lightly elbowed his friend in the stomach.


End file.
